Self-Compassion and Scripture

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“Love your neighbor as yourself” is the 2nd greatest commandment according to Jesus. It presupposes that we truly love ourselves. But for many of us, there is a harsh critical voice in our heads barraging us with insults and put-downs, things we would seldom say to an enemy much less a loved one. Self-compassion isn’t just a good idea. It is also Biblical. Other verses that apply to others such as “speak the truth in love” can also be applied to ourselves.

According to self-compassion researcher, Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion has three key components: mindful awareness, common humanity and self-kindness. But what does self-compassion look like in practice?

Let’s say you are having “one of those days”. it seems like everything is going wrong, from spilling your coffee to being late to work. It’s only 9 am and you are stressed. Taking a break and giving yourself some compassion might look something like this.

First you notice that you are stressed. You become aware of any tension in your body as well as any negative self-evaluations that may be going on in your head, such as “I never do anything right” or “I am so incompetent”. You notice the suffering you are experiencing, not just from the day’s event but also from the criticism you are directing toward yourself.

Next, you remind yourself that you are not alone. “We all have mornings like this at times.” You remember the suffering of someone from a news story or a friend who is fighting cancer and you remember that we all struggle. We all experience pain.

Finally, you become a nurturing friend to yourself. Speak kindly to yourself, like you would a friend, or a hurting child. Remind yourself that it is ok to be human, it is ok to have problems. Failing does not mean you are a failure. Give yourself a compliment if you can. “You put together a top notch presentation for the meeting today”.

I encourage you to try self-compassion in your next moment of pain, overwhelm or stress. You may be surprised at how something so seemingly simple can have such a profound effect on how you experience your struggle.

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